All It Takes, Is Just One Night...

The numbness is at its peak. I could almost feel it traverse through my veins, as it raced through my blood, to take control of my Emotions. Ofcourse, when it did hit me, I did not feel the whole impact. But then again, isn't it supposed to be that way?

She will be gone soon. A little too soon. Last night, seems like a Dream now. A Dream, that only a naive old no-gooder like me, can dream of. Is not it funny, that I grieve for something, that I myself preach against? Its always the same raw deal for me. But somehow, this time round, its not hurting. Its just so numb. So, so numb...

Don't wanna go back home. Can't bring myself to face all that Lonliness, again. Just one night, and I wish I did not have to return to that Empty house no more. That feel of her touch, the sound of her voice. Its all gonna be there. Ready to overwhelm me. Waiting, to drown me. Jeez, am already talking like a Lost Soul. How I desperately hung on, for the night not to end. For that one moment, to stay frozen in a Lifetime. For me to cherish.

But its not to be. Its Not in my Destiny to have Her. I should have known. I should have read it. I should never have let it all come to pass...

Walk Away

Is it just me, or does this happen to everybody? Why do the people I like, and care for, just end up walking away?

Its funny, really. How the consistency of this distressing incident has just gone up another notch today. I know, I know, that it is but natural for people to move on. But why does it feel so bad, so lonely, when they do?

Don't Go gal. Please Don't Go!!!

I know, I can feel it, that you don't wanna go. Then what's stopping you? Take a stand gal. Why not listen to your Heart once, and not your Brain. Just this once???

Me, Me Alone

Finally found something that is close to my heart. My beliefs, written by someone else, in words that actually sound good. Glad I got it. Thanks PC for sending this over. I am just reproducing it. I HAVE NOT COMPOSED THIS.

I want to be me, me alone,
I don't want to be somebody's clone,
I don't want to be a stereotype; I want no "label",
I really don't care if others don't find me stable,
I've tried to conform, my spirit I've tried to swallow,
But it's just left me frustrated and feeling hollow,
This inflexible society has nothing to offer,
Conforming to it makes my individuality suffer,
Why do we try so hard to blend in?
When did originality become a sin?
Whatever the answers I really don't care,
I just don't want to someday look into the mirror and stare,
At the man who is looking back at me,
Who is everything I didn't want to be,
So I've decided to stop right now and set my spirit free,
From now on I'll just work on being me,
I'm breaking the shackles; I can no longer stay,
Cause when I die I want to be able to say,
I did it my way!!!

Optimize Against Pain

On my way to work, early in the morning, passed this reputed college enroute. Never been inside, Never bothered to stop and take a better look. But today, out of the blue, had this desire to get inside, walk around... And no, it was not because I felt I need to go back to school (Sorry Jay and Family), but because one of My Friends whose not with me anymore, had gone to that college for two years.

Sounds strange, huh? Well, it is. I could not have imagined for the life of me, that I would be feeling this way. Had this crazy, crazy feeling to meet her once more, and ask her about her Life in college (before I even knew her), find out about her fears, her dreams, her infatuations. Anything and Everything about her. Just find some excuse to talk to her.

Its hurting now. Wish I had known what I was getting into, when I decided to walk out of the door. But I was so sure, that it was for the better. I mean, no one ever did teach me how to optimize against pain. Its been a self-learning thing. But it seems now, that I have probably got it all wrong.

But I guess there are times in our lives, when all we can do, is just go with the flow. Not much that you can do, once things are in motion. So, I guess, that's what I will do for sometime now. And hope, things get better, somehow. Maybe, even hope for a miracle...

Today Is The Day?

Is today gonna be the "The Day"? I don't know. I am scared to think. But I guess, it might...

They Bring Tears To My Eyes

Was cleaning up my place a little. Lot of junk. Alot of emotional leftovers, from years. Travelling with me, in suitcases, cartons, bags. Staying with me, in cupboards, tabletops, everywhere and nowhere. Had to get down to removing them, and usher in a much-needed breath of freshness.

One of the things that really brought them drops of pure melancholy, was my wallet. Torn and battered it might have been, but somehow, its been there with Me for a long time too. There was an essence of ME, in it. Its like, it had become a part of Me. And to have to give it up, was like giving up an essential, and hence seemingly invisible part of Me. Hurt. Hurt Bad.

And that was just the beginning. What does one do with relationships, that get torn and battered? How do you go about them? Do you just chuck them out, like a wallet? Or, do you try and repair them? What happens when even that fails?

And the worst part of it all, is the memories that they leave behind. A picture, a spoken word, a feeling out of nowhere, a smell. And it all comes crashing back, in an overwhelming avalanche. And All I am left with, are them Tears In My Eyes...

Back With A Bang

After months of inactivity, feel like am gonna burst out with a lot of this nervous energy inside of me. All of a sudden, things are moving with a lurch. Emotional Hangovers are clearing away, The Lappie Baby is here with Me, and well, that itch to "MOVE" around, is back!

Was thinking about where to start it all up, again. Its been long. The cobwebs are making it all a teeny-weeny bit obscure. Maybe I will start with the the whole "Image Processing" stuff. Or maybe, the portable music player. Or maybe, The Project. Don't know...

But I guess it will be foolish not to make use of this Energy that I feel inside of me, now. Lets hope the lethargy is well and truly out, and RD is Back! Back With A Bang!

P.S. Going through the blogs of Meebo, helps... ;)