Its been a while, since I last blogged. Didn't get that itch to pen down my thoughts. Moreover, anything that becomes routine, gets boring. But it took a heady combination of changing weather, the Pujo atmosphere, and some long lost memories, to get me back to the writing table.
The internet connection at home decided to play hide and seek on Saturday, and neither did I have a decent book to keep me distracted, nor a friend to hang out with. So, I got down to tidying up my computer. Moving music and movies around, renaming them, deleting obsolete files, in other words, fussing over details that I had stopped worrying about, as soon as I passed ICSE! And ever since, I have been stuck in this time warp.
Memories, unmade conversations, unshared jokes. A deluge of them. And after a long, long time, a complete absence of unpleasant and sad thoughts. Even I was left wondering.
Tony and RD, writing silly stupid programs in BASIC. Dreaming of becoming the long haired, pizza chomping, beer guzzling, torn-jeans wearing Yahoo employees!
Listening to Eminem at full blast, screaming out his lyrics, hours before each of my board exams.
Curled up in my musty, cobweb shrouded, damp ridden room, next to the window, with the warm, comforting smell of two hundred books emanating from my almirah, reading anything that I could lay my hands on.
The first of many, surprise visits of Madhu and Pintu, while I was enduring the Single Worst year of my life, first year in college.
Hanging out on T's terrace, sipping tea, wondering at her crazy graphology interest, and chatting away our We-Got-Dumped blues.
The wild, wild exploration of dazzling, glittering Laarh Bazar in Hyderabad, with V.
The unending pastry binges with G, while dreaming about a better future, and bitching about the miserable present, simultaneously.
Star gazing with R, atop the Water Tank, at 3 in the morning, taking comfort in each others insecurities and fears.
These and so much, much more. After a long time, a strong yearning, to relive those moments again. To run them on slow-mo this time round, so I could literally feel them, let them caress my mind and soul, on their way out. To be an outsider, watching a happy scene of a play.
Its been three days since I started this post. And in typical RD fashion, my mood's swung between the extremes. Started off as over-the-top happy, and by last night, I was choking on the pain, the void, the misery of being all alone. Lying on my bed, staring up at the street lamp patterns on the fan, had this crazy, sudden feeling, to just throw up. Throw up on all this pain, this loneliness, this suffocation. I want to hold my head in my hands, and cry. Let the tears blur away the harsh reality of it all, and leave a clean beginning to start all over again.