Sunday, February 08, 2009

Anti Social

Been thinking about getting registered on Facebook, for quite a while now. No. Not because I wanna stay connected with friends. Quite on the contrary. I heard they have a great platform to build widgets on, and I wanna try it out. Sounds exciting. But just couldn't get myself to register.

The reason is simple. Everytime I try to, the whole idea of connecting with so many people, scares the hell out of me. Totally. I don't know, how this started, but I have slowly but surely developed a phobia of people. The repercussions are too scary to even think. I try not to think about it too much, but sometimes, it catches up with me. And that's when the blues hit home. Hard.

Glad am going home soon. I always get a lot of clarity when I spend a coupla weeks there. But lately, even that clarity, hasn't been lasting me long enough! Damn! I so need to find a permanent fix to this. I so, so, so need to.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Wendy And Lucy

I just watched Wendy And Lucy. A wonderful movie. Really is. There were two particular instances, that I could so totally relate to.

In the first, Wendy is at the garage, asking about the repairs needed for her car. She is on the tightest of budgets, and has no means of generating extra cash. And yet, her car is essential, to even give her a decent chance of reaching her destination. That helplessness, that desperation, almost reeked of verisimilitude.

The other day, when I was running around, to get the lappie up and running, I so totally went through the same motions, myself. And what you feel, when you are caught in that scenario, cannot really be expressed in words. It almost felt like being trapped in a glass cage, when every second you feel that you can easily punch your way out of it, and yet, with each punch you realize the futility of it all.

The second, is when Wendy asks the Security Guard for change, to call from a pay phone. And he offers his phone to her, telling her that nobody uses a pay phone nowadays. A coupla days back, when Romit had dozed off in his room, and I couldn't find any way of waking him up, and opening the door for me, I was about to trudge off to the nearest pay phone. That's when the caretaker of the building, offered to call him from his phone. It was kind of embarrassing, when he was amused that I couldn't call out from my phone.

I can't really be certain, how I feel after having watched the movie. But I know, I certainly don't feel disheartened, about relating to a character in Wendy's predicament. I feel anything, but that. Yes, these are a little troubled times. Yes, a lot of things that I had taken for granted all along, I have now come to appreciate and cherish. But by no means, do I feel down in the dumps. They say, the night is darkest, just before the dawn. And inspite of all my defiance for conventional wisdom, this one time, I think I will believe them.