Its 230 in the morning. Am at Cassa Rommel. I've probably had more rum than I should. But then again, am on a high. We have finished the video shoot for CN. And the first launch is behind us. And I was probably looking for an excuse to indulge myself.
We saw a pretty nice Bong movie. "Aamra". Can't remember the last time I was so affected by a movie. After watching it, I wanted to ride out right now for her city, bang on her door, shake her really hard, and shout some logic into her. I know, I know, we all have our right to be stupid, but aint this taking things too far? But I wonder, how stupid do you have to be, to not see something that is so obvious!!! I mean, can't she see that "we" are meant to be together? What does it take to show her this?
I am not sure. Am not sure of anything, right about now... All I know is, there are a million reasons why we can't work out! GB tells me, that I wasn't really into her, but I was in love with myself. Madhu tells me, that what works in childhood, doesn't work at my age no more, and hence there is no future for us. VG pretty much thinks that she is the Devil in Disguise (and not a very thin disguise, for that matter). She herself thinks that even the idea of "us" is as preposterous as it gets.
And yet, everytime I convince myself to get over her, my heart comes back the full circle. In pretty much every woman that I see, I try to find her. In every moment that presents itself, I try to mould it to something that has her in it. In every dream I dream, she is the center of my world.
I know this makes no sense. It makes no sense at all. And yet, my heart doesn't want to accept the truth. I cannot think of a future, without her. I cannot think of a life, in which she isn't an integral part of. Am I being foolish? Am I being stupid? I don't know. I don't care. All I know is, that I am not going to be making the same mistakes of my past, again. I won't. I can't.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
Soul Searching
I was in one of those moods to introspect, today. Had oodles of time on my hands, but couldn't leave for home and get down to work. After reading through 7 magazines, and getting saturated on information about the Financial Crisis, Mumbai Burning, The Great Indian Democratic Farce, The Big Black American Dream, I had exhausted the external means of keeping myself occupied. That's when I started reading my own blog posts, over the years.
The person that came across, judging by the thoughts portrayed, was not someone very nice. Or pleasant. Albeit, lonely. But mean. I wondered, if this is what I had set out to be. If this is the person, on whom all those teachers at AG, Madhu Pintu at home, family and few friends, had believed in. If this is the person, that Rohitesh himself, believed in. I wondered.
I am not sure, how long this round of blues, will last. But I think, at some deeper level, inside of me, I am ready to turn my life around. The best thing about being in the dumps, is the realization, that if you live to tell the tale, the worst is over. When you hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go. And that is, UP.
I guess, this could be the right time, to start some of the things that I have been neglecting, lately. A good way, to keep my mind off all the trash.
1. Attending SKID, daily
2. Cycling to work, daily
3. Prayers, daily
4. Long walks in the park, thrice a week
Yeah. I feel better already. This ship might be damaged, but it is not beyond salvage. I guess, its time to turn it around.
The person that came across, judging by the thoughts portrayed, was not someone very nice. Or pleasant. Albeit, lonely. But mean. I wondered, if this is what I had set out to be. If this is the person, on whom all those teachers at AG, Madhu Pintu at home, family and few friends, had believed in. If this is the person, that Rohitesh himself, believed in. I wondered.
I am not sure, how long this round of blues, will last. But I think, at some deeper level, inside of me, I am ready to turn my life around. The best thing about being in the dumps, is the realization, that if you live to tell the tale, the worst is over. When you hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go. And that is, UP.
I guess, this could be the right time, to start some of the things that I have been neglecting, lately. A good way, to keep my mind off all the trash.
1. Attending SKID, daily
2. Cycling to work, daily
3. Prayers, daily
4. Long walks in the park, thrice a week
Yeah. I feel better already. This ship might be damaged, but it is not beyond salvage. I guess, its time to turn it around.
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Sorry, Slip Of Tongue Sir
I am totally, completely, absolutely, undoubtedly, a water baby. I was born in the monsoon season, swimming is the only sport I love, I drink gallons of water a day. And yes, as a result of this, I end up going susu a million times a day! In fact, so deep is this bond, that I find my mind to be working at its best, when am in the men's room.
Today was turning out to be an ordinary day. Dead, dull, boring. As I walked down to the toilet, there was nothing to even bring a smile on my face. Monotonous life. Through which I wade in and out everyday like a zombie. Flashing fake smiles, asking fake questions, showing fake concern, at fake people. This was how I found myself, standing next to this very plain, non-descriptive guy, in one of the stalls.
Now, from my millions of seconds worth of experience, relieving myself in public toilets, I have concluded, that men have a tendency to do either of these two things, while answering to the call of nature. And they do so, with an alarmingly high probability.
(a) lean forward and spit on the stream of jet gushing out (is there a connection between our urinary and salivary glands, or what),
(b) scrunch up all their abdomen muscles, to squeeze out that last remaining drop of toxic water, out of their bodies.
Although both are equally repulsive, what tilts the scale in favour of the latter, is the problem with applying the squeeze in the right Direction. Get it wrong, and you end up in a slightly embarrassing scenario, of having to explain, why you are being so rude, so as to cause a serious emission problem, for people around you!
And that's exactly what happened to this guy, today. I was humming a Scorpions number, staring at this spider on the wall, thinking of happier times, creating false memories. And this guy, standing right next to me, in one of the stalls, suddenly ends up parting wind! For a second, there was silence. I thought I could feel this guy's embarrassment loom like a cloud over us (no pun intended)! The awkward silence was palpable. I stopped my humming. And then slowly turned to look at him.
An average Joe, having an average day, which just got a million times worse! Staring straight down, to avoid any kind of eye contact. Wishing like hell, that he could just disappear in thin air! And at this point, RD swooped down on his misery!
Gave him one of my pet, Koi Baat Nahin, Hota Hai, smiles. Told him, not to worry. We all have our bad days. Even made up a story, about how the same had happened to me once, and I got away with it, by excusing myself in front of those present, for a Slip Of Tongue!
By this time, he was pretty relieved. Was smiling, even. One of those hapless smiles, that I have seen countless times before. Poor fellow, didn't have much of a choice, but to nod on, and grin in agreement. So, I mused philosophically (for his benefit, the musing was done aloud), that life is nothing but a string of embarrassing incidents. And how we must, move on. Never stop, but keep on moving. He mumbled something, about how true it was.
Before walking away, patted his shoulder in a comradely fashion. Slight nodding of the head. Hint of a smile (actually, more like a well disguised smirk)! And turned to leave. I made sure that there was no way he could chase me (unless he wanted to run around with his fly undone), and as a parting shot, quipped that if he had to torment his fellow susu'waalahs, the least he could do, was watch what he eats! And ran the hell out of there, laughing my guts out!
Unfortunately, strategy forbade me to look back, and see the expression on his face!
Today was turning out to be an ordinary day. Dead, dull, boring. As I walked down to the toilet, there was nothing to even bring a smile on my face. Monotonous life. Through which I wade in and out everyday like a zombie. Flashing fake smiles, asking fake questions, showing fake concern, at fake people. This was how I found myself, standing next to this very plain, non-descriptive guy, in one of the stalls.
Now, from my millions of seconds worth of experience, relieving myself in public toilets, I have concluded, that men have a tendency to do either of these two things, while answering to the call of nature. And they do so, with an alarmingly high probability.
(a) lean forward and spit on the stream of jet gushing out (is there a connection between our urinary and salivary glands, or what),
(b) scrunch up all their abdomen muscles, to squeeze out that last remaining drop of toxic water, out of their bodies.
Although both are equally repulsive, what tilts the scale in favour of the latter, is the problem with applying the squeeze in the right Direction. Get it wrong, and you end up in a slightly embarrassing scenario, of having to explain, why you are being so rude, so as to cause a serious emission problem, for people around you!
And that's exactly what happened to this guy, today. I was humming a Scorpions number, staring at this spider on the wall, thinking of happier times, creating false memories. And this guy, standing right next to me, in one of the stalls, suddenly ends up parting wind! For a second, there was silence. I thought I could feel this guy's embarrassment loom like a cloud over us (no pun intended)! The awkward silence was palpable. I stopped my humming. And then slowly turned to look at him.
An average Joe, having an average day, which just got a million times worse! Staring straight down, to avoid any kind of eye contact. Wishing like hell, that he could just disappear in thin air! And at this point, RD swooped down on his misery!
Gave him one of my pet, Koi Baat Nahin, Hota Hai, smiles. Told him, not to worry. We all have our bad days. Even made up a story, about how the same had happened to me once, and I got away with it, by excusing myself in front of those present, for a Slip Of Tongue!
By this time, he was pretty relieved. Was smiling, even. One of those hapless smiles, that I have seen countless times before. Poor fellow, didn't have much of a choice, but to nod on, and grin in agreement. So, I mused philosophically (for his benefit, the musing was done aloud), that life is nothing but a string of embarrassing incidents. And how we must, move on. Never stop, but keep on moving. He mumbled something, about how true it was.
Before walking away, patted his shoulder in a comradely fashion. Slight nodding of the head. Hint of a smile (actually, more like a well disguised smirk)! And turned to leave. I made sure that there was no way he could chase me (unless he wanted to run around with his fly undone), and as a parting shot, quipped that if he had to torment his fellow susu'waalahs, the least he could do, was watch what he eats! And ran the hell out of there, laughing my guts out!
Unfortunately, strategy forbade me to look back, and see the expression on his face!
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