Its 230 in the morning. Am at Cassa Rommel. I've probably had more rum than I should. But then again, am on a high. We have finished the video shoot for CN. And the first launch is behind us. And I was probably looking for an excuse to indulge myself.
We saw a pretty nice Bong movie. "Aamra". Can't remember the last time I was so affected by a movie. After watching it, I wanted to ride out right now for her city, bang on her door, shake her really hard, and shout some logic into her. I know, I know, we all have our right to be stupid, but aint this taking things too far? But I wonder, how stupid do you have to be, to not see something that is so obvious!!! I mean, can't she see that "we" are meant to be together? What does it take to show her this?
I am not sure. Am not sure of anything, right about now... All I know is, there are a million reasons why we can't work out! GB tells me, that I wasn't really into her, but I was in love with myself. Madhu tells me, that what works in childhood, doesn't work at my age no more, and hence there is no future for us. VG pretty much thinks that she is the Devil in Disguise (and not a very thin disguise, for that matter). She herself thinks that even the idea of "us" is as preposterous as it gets.
And yet, everytime I convince myself to get over her, my heart comes back the full circle. In pretty much every woman that I see, I try to find her. In every moment that presents itself, I try to mould it to something that has her in it. In every dream I dream, she is the center of my world.
I know this makes no sense. It makes no sense at all. And yet, my heart doesn't want to accept the truth. I cannot think of a future, without her. I cannot think of a life, in which she isn't an integral part of. Am I being foolish? Am I being stupid? I don't know. I don't care. All I know is, that I am not going to be making the same mistakes of my past, again. I won't. I can't.
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