Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Back To The Blues

Well, it seems like no matter how hard I try, I am never too far from the next Depression Cycle. Though this was a pretty long run that I had, as is evident from the date of the last blog post. And yes, I am one of those fatalistic Fraud Bongs (do I have to be politically correct in my own blog???) who only feels like writing when things are down in the dumps!

So, well, its that time of the year again, when I get very edgy. Pujas are around, and there's a feeling in the air. Can't explain, but something's different. The sunshine feels warmer, the wind is not chilly but it is refereshingly cold, the birds chirp that bit sweeter. Nature seems poised to welcome the Goddess, and yet, the contrast with what I feel inside, couldn't have been starker! Felt similar, last year round. But then, I managed to crash in at Rommel's. That was some relief. But now that I AM at Rommel's, what now? Where do I run to now?

When I try and look inside, all I can see is the desire to run away. Run far, far away. One part of me, simply disgusts me. The fact that I am even writing this here, spewing all the dark, blue inside, when everyone around me is so happy and cheerful, is reason enough. While another, just watches, amused by the stupidity of it all.

If I can't run away, can't I atleast hide under the bed and sulk? Please? With comfort in the knowledge that MnP are just sitting around in another room, and D is only a couple of minutes away? Please? Please? Please? I don't wanna be alone this Pujas. I don't wanna try and fill up the empty loneliness inside, with empty crowds outside. It doesn't work for me. It JUST DOESN'T WORK FOR ME!

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