Amaze Me, Before You Teach Me

Have you seen Spirit, The Stallion Of Cimmaron? Its a nice animated movie about the life of a stallion who is born into the wild, taken into captivity, abused and mistreated, and who finally finds redemption. I can't explain what exactly it is about the stallion, but everytime I watch that movie (yes, its one of my favourites, and yes, I still love to watch animated movies), I find myself completely relating to its spirit, its attitude.

I admit I am a stubborn person. I am not really as smart or as intelligent as I like to think I am. But that doesn't stop me from not having much respect for The Establishment. I know my abilities, and I am fiercely protective about them. I respect myself, just as much as I respect someone else. I have never really given in to most of the pretenders who have come into my life, demanding my respect. No sir. That is one thing, you just can't demand from RD, and expect him to give in meekly. You have to command RD's respect. You have to earn RD's respect. I don't dish it around to anyone who just happens to be passing by. I think my respect for someone is precious. And so, I don't dole it out to people as alms for the poor of character. Absolutely NOT.

And my respect is one thing you totally need, before you can hope to teach me. I steadfastly revolt against people who have tried to get some stuff into my head, typically in a classroom setting, without first having me in awe of them. Ask some of the teachers at AG, or PESIT, or some of the trainers at my current day job. High Bozocity Quotient and Teaching RD, just don't gel too well.

And that's exactly what happened the other day, when I went in for a 3 day training session. It started off disastrously, and well, it went further downhill, from there on. The gentleman who had come over, knew less about the subject, than I did. He was definitely not competent enough to be training/teaching a bunch of people. Overall, he did nothing to put me in awe of him. Big mistake on his part.

I ploughed through two sessions, but then the devil got the better of me. I started disrupting the class with questions I knew he couldn't answer. Ofcourse, they were all valid questions. But I could have taken them up with him later. However, I didn't. I was in such an insane rage, for this total disrespect for my time, my abilities, that all I wanted to do then, was humiliate him. To let him know, that he can't get away with mediocrity. To send a message across to the Establishment, that they can't get away with shoving shit down our throats.

Ofcourse it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to. What is worse than an incompetent man, is a nice and decent incompetent man. Before long, I was feeling so bad at having hurt someone who just couldn't hit back at me, that I couldn't carry on with the onslaught. But at the same time, letting him off the hook, meant that I had to sit through the rest of the sessions, and bear with him! A choice between the devil and the deep sea. Ended up sitting through the rest of the sessions, without any more interruptions.

But later, it got me thinking. This surely is a flaw in my attitude. A considerably damaging flaw, given the fact that most people are not flamboyant enough, to impress me with their knowledge/abilities. However, that also doesn't mean that they don't have anything that I couldn't learn from them. Moreover, at heart most folks are good and decent. Doesn't make me feel like a Superhero, being mean to them.

But at the same time, I hate rewarding mediocrity in any form. It is detrimental to human society in the long run. We should always aspire for perfection, even if we may not attain it. But aspire we must. We shouldn't settle for anything less. Else, it sets a trend and then, we start to compromise on things, where we shouldn't have had the need to, earlier.

I am still divided on this. Don't think I can change my attitude in a day or two. No, that aint happening. But I think this requires further retrospection. I only hope, that I have adequate courage and will, to act on whatever it is that I decide upon, after I have reached a conclusion.

To end this post, can't help but post a couple of lines, which I think I etched on my heart, mind and soul, the day I read them. Ayn Rand - Anthem.

What is my joy if all hands, even the unclean, can reach into it?
What is my wisdom, if even the fools can dictate to me?
What is my freedom, if all creatures, even the botched and impotent, are my masters?
What is my life, if I am but to bow, to agree, and to obey?