Motorcycle Monologues - V

'Its like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush from me'. <http://www.lyricsondemand.com/e/eminemlyrics/stanlyrics.html> True. Pain is a huge rush for me. I do admit that I aint one of the sadistic types, who constantly indulge in self flagellation. No sir. But there are times, times of self doubt and intense disillusionment, when pain is not only the intense pacifier, but also the sole meaning of existence, that I do resort to inflicting some pain on myself. Just to feel SOMETHING. Anything. Anything but the numbness.

And that is what I did when I left her house, 15 'numb' mins later. Her mom asked me for some tea, and from times immemorial, it has been tough, to say no to a cup of tea. So, well, as soon as I left her place, I decided that there was no point in staying back in town (that is what I had initially planned for). There was this numbness that was slowly but surely taking over my senses, and the last thing I wanted was to spend the night at an unknown, unfriendly hotel room!

I am not a pro biker, by even a far shot. Nor is my bike, meant for long cruises. So, it was IDEAL. The moment I left the outskirts of the town, I knew I wanted to do this, without a single pit stop. The fatigue would be intense. And so will be the pain. But then again, that was the whole idea.

But before I carry on with this dead, dull narration, I would like to mention, that on my way out, I took a slightly longer, more scenic route out of the city. And boy, was it Beautiful! For a coupla moments, I had comepletely forgotten the void inside. It was lush green fields around me, cloudy grey skies above, and a pleasant breeze with an ever so slight hint of a chill, caressing my body! It was like a drop of rain, in the middle of a desert. Made my ride, worth it.

The journey back, was predictable. I have done this sort of thing before, and I think, this will not be the end of it, either. Instead of raging against an unknown opponent, I personified it, as pain. After a coupla kms, the ride started taking its toll on me. But I carried on, unrelenting. After some time, it became a duel. Me, against the Pain. The entire focus of my being, of my existence at that moment, shifted to overcoming that intense pain. Eyes steady on the road, ears alert to honking in the rear, and the breathing regular. All senses, working at their optimum, to overcome the common enemy.

I can't articulate the feeling, but when I reached home, I knew that I could make it back, only because of the intense concentration that one derives, when focussed on overcoming an opponent. It wouldn't have been possible otherwise. But the problems, never cease to enter bang in, into RD's life. As soon as the physical stress of it all began to wear off, the pain inside, which I was originally running away from, began to surface. And the worst part of it all was, this time there was no escape...

Out Of Fuel!