Fear Of The Unknown

Yes Raj, you were right. Dusk, does have a depressing face, and today, I saw it. And honestly, I could have well done without it.

A heavy bag on my shoulders, and a suitcase in my hands was what I was burdened with. But it was a breeze, compared to the brooding sense of fatality that was overcast on the horizon. Matters far beyond my control, and often, beyond my comprehension, were bothering me. And I was sucking up to it, hook, line, sinker.

Rushing to board the train to Freedom, to Home, to my Haven, I had to stop periodically to put down the luggage, and catch my breath. And it struck me, while I was resting my tired arms at one such pitstop.

The smoke and fumes had added a halo around the ochre orbs of the sodium lamps, unenthusiastically lighting the paths of millions of thankless, ungrateful passersby. The long winter evening, had its mouth wide open, to swallow and extinguish the flickering flame of life from the last rays of the run. The cacaphony of the blaring horns, snarling traffic, vociferous street peddlers, strangely mixed in harmony, to leave an eerie muted ghost of the real menace. And the moon, the full moon no less, gave off a pale, omniscient glow, that enveloped everything around it.

It didn't take my senses longer than a few moments to perceive all this. And before I knew it, a strange, unnamed fear, a fear of the unknown, a fear of the incomprehensible, was upon me.

I quickly picked up my bags, and rushed towards the station. Even when my arms were screaming out in pain, I dared not stop. Didn't dare turn around. Didn't dare slow down either, till I was safely inside the station.

Sitting under the brighter and happier neon cousins of those sinister orbs, which had made me so uncomfortable a couple of minutes back, I breathed a sigh of relief. I was way too early for my train, and so, warmed up to a hard, uninviting seat, on the platform.

After some time, I finally summed up enough courage to steal a glance at the now distant, street lamps. But surprisingly, they were just what they were supposed to be. Sodium Street Lamps! I breathed a sigh of relief. Hah! It was all, merely a figment of my hyper active imagination. After all, the accumulated stress of the last couple of months, was probably taking its toll. Or maybe, though I wouldn't want to admit it, it was the thespian in me, over reacting to a visual trick of nature. It was not surprising, that the Grizzly Bear was given to calling me the "Drama Queen".

My spirits started to soar, as the train drew in to the station. Just like it had over the last six odd years, my heart faithfully skipped a beat at the prospect to being home. The rush to board the train, locating my seat, squeezing past people, while carrying my ten tonne load, I barely managed to sit down on my seat, when the train began to pull out.

I craned my neck, to catch a last glimpse of the street lights, before they disappeared in the dark of the night. The moving train, the running people, the loud whistle, added to a lot of the distraction. But my gaze was fixed. My mouth went dry. I could hear the blood singing in my ears. It was NOT OVER, and no, it was not my hyper active imagination either. In a queer moment of logical triumph, I knew that I was not wrong. In that last fleeting moment, the lamps had just winked at me! And in a simultaneous flash of sudden insight, I knew, they would be waiting, for my return!